Last post

As I write this, I've been officially back in America for one week. (It's strange that I say "America" as if it was a foreign country.) It feels good being home, and I'm not yet experiencing any of the "reverse culture shock" I was expecting. Culturally, Scotland wasn't that much different than what I'm used to in Boston. They may have had accents, and ate some strange food, but if this experience has taught me anything, it turns out humans are a whole lot more alike than we'd like to think. Even in countries that I visited that were a lot different than the United States, I saw the similarities more than the differences.

My last week in Scotland was spent trying to do as much as possible before I left. I climbed Arthur's Seat to watch the sun set (pictured above), something I've been saving until the end. The first time I braved it, it was back in January when I first arrived in Edinburgh. I feel like I've come full circle. How much has changed since then. I feel part of me never really forgot about my life in Boston, that it was always in the back of my mind somehow, no matter what I was doing or who I was with. That makes me question whether I truly immersed myself in this culture, yet on the other hand, I realize that everyone experiences study abroad in different ways, and I shouldn't expect my feelings to be anywhere close to someone else's. If anything, I've valued this experience for what it was: the opportunity to live and study in a city that was different than what I'm used to, and to meet people with different life experiences. I've certainly accomplished that.

"I bet you've changed and you don't even know it."

Now, Fenella is probably the last person I'd expect to say something that stayed with me, but I gotta give the girl some credit: this one sentence certainly did. (Nothing against her, it's just that over the course of these four and a half months, she's doesn't really come across as warm or introspective.) However, it made me think: Have I changed? Before she said this to me, I didn't really consider it. I thought that maybe, I'd simply adapted to my new surroundings, and given how hard of a time I had at the beginning of all of this, that's saying something. I think back about how I felt before I arrived here, how I felt immediately after I arrived here, and how I feel now. Certainly not that same. I've gotten used to the subtle differences between American culture and Scottish culture, and I think I'm leaving on a good note. I'm definitely a little conflicted about my experiences here, but overall, I think it's been worthwhile. Despite my misgivings, I think it's really hard to have regrets. I tried a new thing, and I made it. I didn't leave. And well, that's certainly made me a stronger person.

Have I "changed?" Well, I suppose I'll have to wait and see.

Scotland Weather

OK, here is the requisite post about the weather in Scotland.

I don't like it.

Now, saying that, the weather here is much more consistent than it is in New England. We don't have extreme high and low temperatures, we don't see Nor'easters one day (or really, ever) and then blazing sun the next. It typically rains at least once a day, but the rain is rarely heavy. It usually consists of a drizzle, with some added wind. I'm not a meteorologist so I really can't take into account weather patterns or anything like that, so this is just a lay person's observation based on almost five months of residency.

It's now May 9. Yet today, the temps peaked at around 10 degrees Celsius, though it actually felt much colder since it was raining for most of it, and equals about 50 degrees Fahrenheit. That's pretty chilly considering that it's supposed to be spring time, and yet that's about how warm (being the operative word) it's been for the past six weeks or so. We've never had the bone-chilling freezing temperatures that Boston saw in January and February; yet on the flip side of that coin means we didn't see anything like this, either.

I like temperatures to be at least in the mid-60s at this point in the year, however, this is typical Scottish weather. By the time I leave, Accuweather says it might be around 15 degrees Celsius, which is about 60. Awesome.

Boston Globe death watch / News media in Scotland

Yikes. I've been following the Globe's predicament quite closely ever since the NY Times Co. announced in early April that unless the paper made $20 million in concessions, Times management would close the 137-year-old daily. In the short time that I've been living in Boston, the Globe has made a huge impact on my life. My first co-op was in Living/Arts section, followed by a six-month part-time gig at City Desk, and finally from May 'o8 to last December, another co-op at Boston.com's A&E section. Frankly, the prospect of co-oping at the Globe one day was pretty much the sole reason I chose Northeastern. During the past few years, I've made contacts, and even some friends there, and to think of a city like Boston without a thriving daily newspaper is just scary. Fortunately, even after tense negotiations between management and Union employees, it seems (at least for now) that the Globe will be saved by making deep cuts. However, even if it survives, I wonder how valuable it will actually be. Other than huge losses in pay and benefits, the elimination of sick days, paid vacations and (probably) lifetime job guarantees, both the co-op and summer internship programs will be cut. This directly affects Northeastern's School of Journalism, which reguarly touts the co-op program as a one of the main reasons for enrolling. Without the Globe co-ops, print journalism students are pretty much have squat. I mean, there's the Boston Herald, (which is a tabloid, and is actually fairing much worse than the Globe), the Weekly Dig, the Boston Phoenix, (both weeklies), and while nothing's wrong with any of them, let's face it, the crown jewel of journalism co-ops is working at the Boston freakin' Globe. The j-school will almost certainly lose prestige and probably a lot of interest from potential j-students.

Now in Scotland, I don't really hear too much about print journalism in general, because well for one thing Edinburgh doesn't even offer a journalism program. Neither do the other two major universities in Scotland, St. Andrew's and Glasgow. Clearly, journalism training is not big in Scotland. When I first got here, people were pretty interested to hear about my major because they've never heard of anybody majoring in it before. From what I've seen, the two major dailies that are picked up in Scotland are the Observer (which is affiliated with London's Guardian) and the Scotsman. Scotland's papers in doubt exempt from the decline in readership that is plaguing American print media outlets, but I do notice an interesting and unconventional advertising ploy. Many times, I see that the Scotsman will offer random free gifts inside their pages, like DVDs and CDs. I've even seen commercials on television trying to sell newspapers through this method.

OK, so I did intern at the Skinny for roughly two days in early February. Dubbing itself "Scotland's cutting-edge culture magazine," the monthly mag houses its main office in a tiny office in the outskirts of the city. When I interned there, I had to bring my own laptop because there weren't enough computers available. Based on my experience, there were about five or six full-time editors that worked in the office every day, some who worked from home, and freelancers provided most of the content. The editors didn't look that much older than me, and while they all very nice people, didn't really have much journalism training. One of them told me over lunch one day that he was a former music video director (and former art school student) who one day decided he needed a more consistently-paying job. However, I was pretty impressed with their operation, and actually thought more than once that this is the kind of publication that I eventually wouldn't mind working for: an arts-focused print outlet with a fairly strong online presence that seems laid-back. And according to a recent Facebook message from the Skinny, they're actually hiring four new positions.

It's been well-documented how print media is a dying profession. When I picked journalism as a a major four years ago, I hardly thought that it might not exist by the time I graduate and am looking for jobs. Now I'm forced to reevaluate my goals and find ways to make myself marketable come graduation time. I've been considering grad school, to hone my skills in the art of online journalism and new media, but it's pretty expensive. I've toyed with the idea of finding a marketing or PR job, but I find it much more exciting to be able to tell a story, as opposed to selling a product.

Royal Botanic Garden

Yesterday, I also ventured out to Edinburgh's Royal Botanic Garden. Quite the hike I must say, even though it was only one bus ride, it took like half an hour to get there. Never thought I'd say this, but I actually - gasp! - miss the T. Even though it's painfully unreliable and actually may become more so (didn't think it was possible!). OMG, now I KNOW I'm homesick when that happens. Anyway, the garden was beautiful...so many trees, flowers, and other things you come to expect in a garden (including a fox sighting). What I liked most was the smell though, fresh-cut grass and flowers always put me in a good mood, they're just two reminders of summer, ahhhh. <3

I'd also like to take this moment to note that I have officially 22 days left, and I'm also 22 years old. (birthday was yesterday!)

Beltane Fire Festival

Last night I went to Beltane Fire Festival on Calton Hill in Edinburgh. Every year on April 30, thousands of people gather to celebrate the beginning of summer by covering their bodies in paint, lighting things on fire and banging on drums. That's a succinct, if somewhat irreverent, assessment of what went on last night. Actually, according to the Beltane Fire Society, which has been hosting the event for the past 20 years, it's an important cultural celebration which has roots in ancient Celtic tradition for hundreds of years. According to the website, it's attended by 12,000 people ever year, and by the look of things last year, it certainly felt like it. I had no idea what a popular event it was since I just had stumbled upon it by accident, but I'm definitely glad I was able to take part on it since it was for sure one of the coolest things I've seen here in Edinburgh. There's a lot more meaning behind it, which unfortunately I cannot begin to understand or explain...but read up on it here.

What I've been starting to understand lately is that it's been incredibly hard to try and describe what you see to people. Like, it's impossible to describe an event like this into words, because it's more about what you're feeling at that very moment, the smell of the fire, the atmosphere of standing with thousands of other people watching this go down. Even photos don't fully illustrate what this moment represents to you. This is how I feel about most experiences I've had in Scotland and through traveling. There's just no way to put some things into words.

random Edinburgh memory

List-ing

List of the last few things I want to do before I leave Scotland:

1. Walk through the Royal Botanic Garden in Edinburgh.
2. Have coffee at the Elephant House, the so-called "birthplace of Harry Potter."
3. Visit Mary King's Close.
4. Dance at a ceilidh. (pronounced kay-lee)

Scottish education system vs. American education system

Back in December, I read an interesting article in the NY Times about how many American students are opting to begin their undergrad careers overseas, since the cost to attend at private university is much lower than in the U.S. Scotland's prestigious universities at St. Andrew's and yes, Edinburgh! were heavily included in the piece, as was how their education systems differed from the states. Here, students specialize in a degree fairly early and are not expected to take a wide range of liberal arts classes. It also mentioned how Scottish universities expect students to know where they're headed and to be "intellectually independent," according to the article.

Well as my semester draws to a close, I can report that this article is pretty accurate. There are few assignments - I wrote four essays for three classes during the semester - but they are heavily weighted in my final grade. (Two of the essays were worth 40 percent; the other two were each worth 25 percent.) Professors here, like the article mentioned, don't provide much feedback. I'm been attempting to study for my final exams, which are clumped together toward the end of the exam period, and frankly I'm not exactly sure what to study for some of them. For two of my classes, they did provide some guidance for what to expect, yet for my Scottish history class, they more or less are feeding us to the wolves. My only hope is studying for the next few weeks will hopefully provide me some kind of background knowledge to bullshit my way to a C. I'm not expecting my grades to be all that extraordinary, (I mean I know I'm not going to be a social worker or a Scottish historian) - I just hope I pass all my classes with some semblance of grades that don't embarrass me.

Things I Miss About Boston.

1. The porch at the Otherside Cafe.
2. Buying sun-dried tomato hummus @ Trader Joe's.
3. Symphony Sushi.
3. seeing shows @ the Middle East.
4. These guys.

...to be continued...

Aaaannddd I'm back!

[Above: Alissa's head in Portobello Market, London]

I got back from sunny, beautiful Barcelona and equally sunny, though admittedly not as beautiful, Alicante, where I learned that Barcelona is actually not considered part of Spain, it's part of an area called Catalonia, which apparently is its own autonomous community. I suppose I can relate - this sounds somewhat similar to the relationship between Scotland and England. In any case, the five days I spent traveling through that part of the world have been the most relaxing and amazing times of my life. Alicante I could give or take - there wasn't much there. But Barcelona was certainly the life of the party and I wish I could've stayed there longer to explore more. While there, we mostly stuck around the same area, though we (Kate and I) did do Fat Tire bike tour, which while informative and fun, wasn't nearly as interesting as the Fat Tire tour Alissa and I did in Berlin. Which brings me the longer portion of my spring break travels - Berlin, Prague, London (again), and Dublin. Out of every city, I think I might be in love with Prague the most, the city's architecture was very neo-Classical in design and gave off a very romantic feel. While there, we did plenty of touristy sightseeing, including stops at the Charles Bridge and Dancing House. Berlin had a lot more interesting museums and monuments though and I really became fascinated by the history there, especially the stuff about the Cold War and the Berlin Wall. I was really surprised by how much I didn't know about that part of human history, and I was honestly moved when I stood in front of a portion of the Wall and our tour guide explained how many people died just by trying to leave East Germany. London was an interesting time because I had already seen it (pretty recently I might add), so I wasn't as impressed by all the famous buildings and whatnot ... that's not saying I still didn't have a good time. For one thing, I finally made it to the Top Man flagship store in Oxford Circus, which was obviously amazing. They literally had almost every item I've ever seen on the website, so naturally I picked up a few polo shirts and a pair of jeans. OK and a wallet. And two more T-shirts. But seriously, I know I'll wear this stuff all the time...

Anyway, Dublin might've been my least favorite city only beacause it was probably the smallest one we visited and it reminded me a lot of Edinburgh except it looked a lot more industrial and everything was like five times more expensive. My least favorite touristy trip was definitely the Guinness Storehouse because a) I really don't even like Guinness all that much, and b) it was basically a hugh advertisement for the beer. I thought it was pretty hysterical they had an entire section devoted to every marketing campaign and commercial they've made since the '50s, when obviously the entire building is a marketing campaign. Definitely not worth the 11 euro it cost to get in. But whatever. You do it once, realize it was a waste of time and money, and then you don't do it again.

I was home in Edinburgh for one night and then it was off to Alicante. (As previously mentioned above.) I am so glad I was able to take the trips that I did - I learned a lot about different parts of the world and it's amazing that even simple things like watching the sunset on the Charles Bridge or eating a Spanish tortilla for the first time, actually give you a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Now I'm back in Edinburgh, haven't really been doing all that much over these past few days, other than grocery shopping and topping up my phone. I plan on starting the revision process at some point this weekend, but because my first exam isn't until May 14, I guess I'm dragging my feet a little. I really do want to do well on these exams, mostly because my grades for my essays haven't been all that impressive. At least the only exam (I think) I have to be really worried about is naturally, the bane of my existence: Early Modern Scottish History. This is the only class where the professors didn't really try to give you a sense of what might be on the exam, and of the course, it also happens to be the class that covered the most material. At least with my other two courses, I'm only expected to know half of what we learned. Anyway, I have to get my act together soon, but for now, I'm taking it easy.

Today marks the official 30 day countdown until when I go home, which, when you think about it, isn't really all that long. Four weeks is nothing and I expect them to go by pretty fast, especially when I expect to spend a lot of that time studying, packing, and trying to find last-minute gifts for my family. I'm suddenly filled with guilt that I didn't get my mom anything in Prague - her mother is from the Czech Republic and I didn't even think of it at the time - but hopefully I'll find something nice, albeit less meaningful, in Edinburgh.

spring break broke.

I haven't updated in almost three weeks because I've been traveling around Europe.

Much to tell.

Too tired to tell it right now.

Waking up at 3 a.m. tomorrow morning to head to Alicante.

Will update thoroughly upon my return.

FML?

So I can't believe I made it to the last week of classes. Extremely relieved actually, since this could be the most annoying semester on record. Don't think I'm doing well in any of my classes so far, and surprisingly Social Work may be the only one that I get above a C. Yikes. Got my Sociology paper back yesterday and I received a 28. That is NOT good. My tutorial lecturer guy says he's "not worried" about me though. Still he said the same thing about me before he handed back the essays, so I'm not so sure I can trust his judgment. And by "not worried" he's "not worried" about me failing the class. He thinks I'll still be able to pass, which is somewhat encouraging I suppose, but I was expecting at least a B. Which I'm obviously not going to get at this point. Since this was the only class that I actually liked, well, I'm a little nervous. I'm allowed to take one class Pass/Fail but I certainly didn't want it to be this one. I wanted to use it for Scottish History, which I predict will bring a world of pain to my life on May 20 (day of that exam). I can't help but feeling hatred toward all my classes and a little annoyed because this wasn't supposed to be like this. I'm fucking studying abroad for pete's sake. This was supposed to be easy and fun! Why is everything so hard?? I'm learning Life lessons I suppose. And in truth I can't really be mad at anybody but myself. Moving on. I'll be OK.

going home. soon enough.

Looks like I may have officially booked the most important flight so far: the one home. Unofficially I'm now flying home on May 23, a week earlier than originally planned. I am fairly confident I made the right decision. I mean it's only a week, but it means a week more at home. A week more to be with my family and play with Max and eat food that I haven't eaten in months. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss the familiarity of being in an environment that isn't foreign or strange or whatever. Scotland has grown on me, sure, but as corny as it is, there's still no place like home. And even though it's only a week, it means my time here got a little shorter, which maybe shouldn't make me happy but it does. Like I said, I miss the three Fs.

I also booked flights to Alicante, and then from Barcelona to Glasgow, so that's good. Spain will be beautiful I'm sure. And hopefully warm! Still haven't finished the other spring break plans but I hope they will all come together this week. Thankfully there's only two weeks left of classes and then I'm free until exams. I like it better here, but I'm still not sure if I'm in love. The funny thing is I don't think I really ever will be. Edinburgh is beautiful but it doesn't suit my personality. I need big, loud and diverse. I need a city that never sleeps, let alone closes at 3 a.m. I need a subway system, I need crazy cab drivers, I need restaurants to be open 24 hours a day. Sounds weird but I tend to enjoy a chaotic urban environment. I'm glad I figured that out now.

Part of me always wonders what exactly I will gain from this whole experience. I think I'm growing up and learning about myself but at other times I'm not so sure. I think maybe the most important thing I can take away from all this is simple acceptance. Acceptance of me.

Let the countdown begin

Good news: My last essay of the entire semester was due today. It felt pretty good to hand that mother off, let me tell you. Not that it was particularly hard to write, well I mean not that I cared all much about what I wrote anyway, but it just means that after a full month of stressing over these pointless 2,000 word behemoths, the pain is over. Well at least until I see how badly I did on all of them. I'm hoping for straight Cs. Actually I'll be pretty satisfied with those, as sad as it is to admit.

This also means there's less than three weeks left of the teaching term - HOORAY! - translation: less than three weeks until spring break. AWESOME. Everything is still in the planning stages unfortunately...but I'm excited to see other cities. Currently looking at a bunch of flights and hostels now, but I also want to see more of Scotland at some point too. I'm thinking of booking some Highland trips for the end of April when the weather might be warmer and at least sunnier. Maybe. We shall see. Final exam schedules were released today as well, and while I'm not exactly thrilled to have an exam on May 20, at least now I know when they are. Of course, this pretty much nixes any chances I had of going home a bit early - I mean would it really be worth the impending hassle of trying to switch a flight home only 10 days earlier?? - but who knows, maybe this will be a good thing. Or not. I just really miss Boston a lot. Oh well. Just gotta stay positive and remember that classes are almost dunzo, which hopefully means I'll start to like it here a lot more.

rugby!

On Saturday, I went to my first rugby match. It was nice because it was one of the few quintessential Scottish things I've done since being here. Alissa, her flatmates and I headed to a pub first and then walked a few miles to the match with other Scotland fans (we were playing Italy) and I really able to get caught up in the excited environment despite me having zero interest in sporting events. (I'm sure the beer probably helped a bit.) I'm definitely glad I went.

On a completely unrelated-to-Scottish-culture-note, I also booked my first destination for spring holiday (which is gasp - only three and a half weeks away!). Alissa, Kate and I will be kicking things off in Berlin on March 29. Not sure how long we're staying (Kate needs to be back in Edinburgh to meet her parents on April 4) but I hope to also visit Prague, perhaps Rome, definitely London, and hopefully Dublin too. Maybe somewhere in Spain if at all possible. It will be a busy few weeks, to be sure.

Now back to Scotland: I realize I haven't really immersed myself in Scottish culture so far - no celihs yet - but I'd like to before I go. This means a trip to Loch Ness at some point in the next few weeks before spring holiday (definitely one place you NEED to visit while in Scotland, at least that's what I'm told). I need to ask Alissa's flatmate about other potentialy Scottish locales I should see as well. Can't believe the semester 's coming to a close and I'm afraid I might not really appreciate Scotland before I go because I've been so worried about adjusting and everything.

Sigh. Being isn't always easy because I miss my life back home all the time. But I have no regrets about deciding to stick it out. I think I've definitely learned a lot about myself so far, and I expect the learning to continue.

New month

Happy March! Tomorrow starts the countdown: Four weeks left of class. Thank God.

new york, new york?

ok, so this technically has nothing to do with scotland. well, that's not entirely true. it actually affects my visit here a great deal. see, for a long time, my plans this summer were pretty set in stone. last fall, i thought about getting an internship somewhere, but those hopes were quickly nixed when i found out i would be in scotland until the end of may. now i'm re-thinking that decision when i found this - New York Mag is again looking for online editorial interns this summer.

i remember seeing this ad last summer on their website but by that time i was already working at boston.com until the end of the year.

i want to apply but i also know this a risky decision. it could be only two days a week and while i might get paid i still have to find another part-time job i'm sure. also, uhm housing? yeah i'd need to figure out that too. but god NEW YORK IN THE SUMMER. it would be fabulous. of course, that would mean not seeing my friends or family for another three months potentially. which would be killer. and all this is assuming i actually get the internship. sigh. i'm going to apply and we'll see what happens.

i miss boston.

like a lot.

London and back

Just got back from my three-day adventure traipsing through London town, and it was quite possibly the best weekend I had since I came to Europe. Unfortunately that distinction falls with a city outside Scotland, but more on that later.

Kate and I stayed at a hostel for the first time (for both of us), and happily, both of the places we stayed at met my requirements for acceptability: a) the bedrooms were clean, b) the bathrooms were clean, and c) there were no wacky foreign dudes that looked like killers. On the first night, we shared a mixed room with 21 beds total, which while being initially concerned about, wasn't really bad at all. The people there were very laid back and friendly and there was a cute little breakfast cafe next door that served excellent coffee. The only setback was the location - London Backpackers was about 30 minutes outside of central London by tube. However, even that wasn't a problem because I strangely missed taking the subway places. I practically lived riding the T back in Boston and I felt at home while being jostled and pushed into a moving subway car by complete strangers. No kidding, really I was. By the second night we had moved into another hostel - this one was called Smart Russell (where we met our fellow adventurer Nishant - which although it was closer, we didn't like as much. On the surface, it was technically a "nicer" place, since it looked more modern and had a big screen TV in the lobby area but the staff wasn't as friendly and neither were many of the people we met. However, like I said, CLEAN bathrooms, so who am I to complain?

OK now to the good stuff. London is the most amazing European city I've ever seen. This really doesn't say very much, because hell, my choices so far are London and Edinburgh, and while Edinburgh is a beautiful city, it doesn't really top London. On Saturday we actually had absolutely perfect weather so we walked around, doing the touristy stuff - ie Buckingham Palace, Westminster Abbey, St. James Park, and the National Gallery. On Sunday, we hit the British Museum, Tate Modern, and walked to the Tower of London. OMG almost forgot - we also rode the London Eye, which is this huge ferris wheel that overlooks the entire city from the Thames River. It sounds corny, but this was absolutely breathtaking. Worth the 15 pounds it cost for admission.

We didn't really experience much of the nightlife since the first night we were exhausted and the second night we wound up at this really awful club called Walkabout or something and it was just filled with what looked like American students who were really badly dressed and the music was horrible. (Playing Queen at a club? Seriously??) Anyway at least Kate got to meet up with her good friend from home. Our third and final night there we just hung at the hostel since we had to catch a 9 a.m. bus this morning. And after spending a total of 18 hours in total on said bus, we are back. Back to reality, where I have two essays looming and a sinking feeling that maybe I should've studied at Goldsmiths after all.

Perhaps what this trip has taught me is that I tend to regret my decisions a lot. Or perhaps "overanalyze" would be a better word. I always am thinking "I wish I had done that" or "said this" or whatever, and it's quite an exhausting way to live. I'm trying to stop, yet I also know that this a part of myself that I have to accept too. Even though I loved London, in a weird way, at least on the bus ride home, it made me want to start to appreciate Edinburgh more. I've been here for almost two months, yet I've spent most of my time thinking about things I'd rather do outside of the city. Berlin. Prague. Amsterdam. London. Yes, I want to travel to these places, but shouldn't I be experiencing more of the city I chose to study in? I'd to start seeing more of Scotland and more of the city. I'm planning on starting small. My first stop is to the National Gallery of Modern Art. Then the botantical garden. Then definitely to Loch Ness and the highlands by the end of my stay. As March approaches, I'm starting to realize how quickly time is passing. I don't want to leave here without saying that I know well where I studied. Even if it's not what I had envisioned, it would be a waste not to take advantage of what the city has to offer.

halfway to dunzo.

I turned in my two papers yesterday, and now have two more papers due before my term is up. They were understandably awful; this is what happens when you write two 2,000 essays in one week without really understanding what the hell you're talking about. My next paper is due a week from Friday; I really want to finish all the reading before I go to London this weekend. It's actually on a topic that's mildly interesting - cults - so that should be at least some motivation. As it turns out, I care very little about my grades here. I feel bad about it, especially considering how much money my parents are spending in tuition, but then again, I'm really not that much of a school person. I just want to get out in the real world and start working, which I think, I'm actually good at - well most of the time. I e-mailed the editor of the Skinny today and told them I wouldn't be coming in the rest the week. Again, another scenario that didn't turn out the way I expected. I just didn't see myself working there until 5:30 p.m. again, and then coming home and reading for school when I really have a lot of work that needs to get done before I leave. I would obviously never quit this early, but I don't think they really needed my help anyway. I just hope my decision to not finish my week affects whether or not my article gets published. Probably should have thought that through. It just turned into more of a hassle than I began to think it was worth. I just hope this doesn't become a habit.

In other news, there are now just five more weeks left in the semester, thank god. I don't think I can handle any more school in at this uni. I think maybe what bothers me most is that everything I've been doing is pretty much identical to the life I have back home. I go to class, I go the library, I come home, I make dinner, and then I go to bed. Occasionally I go to a bar or a club, sometimes I'll watch a movie, etc. Obviously the only real difference is that I'm not around my friends when I do these things. I feel fully adjusted but not any happier necessarily. Well I'm happier than I was a month ago, but I'm feeling marginally the same as I was feeling in Boston: unfulfilled. I hate this feeling that I'm not really giving something my best. Maybe I still don't know what I want. I suppose that's an OK feeling at 21 years old.

I'm not sure what I'll get at the end of all this. Maybe I'll learn something about myself? Who knows.

One thought.

Maybe you don't really appreciate your experience abroad until after you've left.

I think that may happen to me.

London-bound!

Me and Kate just booked ourselves two tickets to London next weekend. On a bus. For nine hours. That leaves at 10:30 p.m. at night and arrives at 7:30 a.m. the next morning. We think it might be a recipe for an adventure...or maybe a recipe for death. Obviously we won't know which it is until it actually happens. However, I am remaining optimistic because a) I'm really excited to go to London, and b) I'm really excited to go to London.

This week I started my two-week stint at the Skinny. Everyone there is really nice and friendly, like most of the people I've met here. (Also I think I might have a tiny crush on the editor.) My first assignment was to interview Colin Meloy of the Decemberists (done), write a feature about him and his band (half done) and a review about the new album (not done). These are due on Friday, but I also have two essays due Monday, neither of which I'm close to being done with. Sigh. Schoolwork is not my strong suit these days.

I've been adjusting much better now that I'm approaching week 5. I hope things will only improve from here.

one month anniversary

I've officially been here for one month. At times it does seem like I just got here yesterday. At other times, it feels like I've been here forever. I'm not sure yet which one is better.

As it turns out, Edinburgh is a very quaint city. Again I'm not sure yet if I like that. I think I might feel more comfortable in a city that felt more bustling and busy actually. I still have four more months here though I feel like they might go by pretty fast. Classes end on March 27, and after that I have three weeks off for spring holiday. By then it will be mid-April and I'll be in the midst of final-exam-time-craziness, so I imagine those last six weeks will probably be a blur. I'm thinking about potentially coming home earlier than May 30 if my finals are all during the first week of May or something, but we'll see. Since I'm not sure how I'm going to feel by then, I guess I'll give it some more time.

Next week I'd like to sit down with Alissa and Kate and see if we can hammer out where we're traveling for spring break. I was thinking about going places at some point during the first two weeks and leaving that last week for studying. Potential locations include Amsterdam, Berlin, Prague, London, and Paris. Oh god would I love to go to Paris. We'll see though. Kate and I have been discussing a possible weekend trip to Amsterdam before spring break, which I think might be nice to look forward to. Also one of my flat mates mentioned he might go to to London too at some point soon which would be amazing.

Sigh, last night I went out to GHQ with Rachel, which is Ryan's friend from his study abroad trip in France. It was definitely fun, though I wish I hadn't gone out. I actually have a 2,000 word essay on the Scottish Reformation due on Monday and I haven't finished the reading for it yet. I imagine I'll just stay in all night and hammer it out. Or at least I'll try. Me + schoolwork ain't the best of friends really.

I really want to check out some new places in the city too. Hopefully I'll be able to once these next few weeks are over with and I don't have to worry about essays and whatnot. Which actually won't be until March 9. Oh well.

Anyway, I should probably get ready for the library.

good days, bad days, at least there's chocolate on pancakes.

There's this cute little cafe called Chocolate Soup not far from my dorm, and while they don't actually serve "chocolate soup" (I was kind of disappointed), they do serve soup and chocolate separately. Obviously, I opted for the latter. Pictured above is the remnants of a their brownie sandwich. Dinner were pancakes smothered in chocolate sauce. (It could be a mistake that I went there. Now I'm going to want to go daily.)

keeps gettin' better

[This is a street in Glasgow. I really like twinkly lights.]

I cannot believe it's February already. Where did the time go? I have four months left in Scotland, which part of me feels like is a considerably long time, and another part of me feels like it might take forever. How can May 30 seem so close and yet so far? I'm picking out classes for Summer II, and will be choosing my housing later this month, and both of these actions serve as stark reminders that I will be returning to Boston at some point.

This weekend, like most days, was filled with highs and lows. I went to Glasgow yesterday for some shopping and sightseeing, along with a few friends I've made here. It was nice to get out of Edinburgh for a bit, and Glasgow seems much more exciting and closer to the ideal of an actual "city" which is nice. It's twice as large as Edinburgh and also has it's own (very small) subway system. We went to a few museums and then stopped by Primark, which is this huge bargain store that sells somewhat fashionable men's and women's clothing on the cheap. I picked up a pair of tennis shoes for 3 pounds, which was good. I also had my very first taste of fish and chips, which is a popular meal around here. (Everything here is either deep fried or covered in mayo. I seriously do not understand how both boys and girls in Scotland are able to fit into such skinny jeans.)

On Saturday, I went out to a gay club, and aside from the creepy Brazilan man who hit on me, it was an OK time. They played some good music, as expected, and it was nice to get out and see a more cosmopolitan and trendy part of Edinburgh.

Generally I'm in a much better mood than I have been. Perhaps what I realized is I've been approching this experience all wrong. I've been constantly measuring my experience with my unrealistically high expectations, and unsurprisingly, I wind up disappointed. The problem is not that I have those expectations in the first place - they contribute to my drive and ambition - but more the amount of pressure I put on myself to achieve these goals. I do this with most experiences in my life, and what I'm learning is, that is not a healthy way to live. Maybe I won't end up with a vast circle of tight-knit international friends from all over the world. But that needs to be OK. I might end up close with one other person by the time I leave - and you know what? That's ONE more person that I didn't know before. There is no right or wrong way to do this, (well I mean aside from being strapped to a guerny in Amsterdam or something), and I need to stop comparing what I'm experiencing to what others have done. I've never lived my life based on a blueprint, so why start now?

SO that's why, from this point forward, I'm going to stop with all the pressure. If by May 30, I've made a few friends (either international or American), can name the best place to get coffee, haggis, and/or live music in the city, traveled to the places that I want to see, and generally have broadened my perspective on how I view the world, then I will consider this trip a success.

Who knew that all I really needed was an attitude adjustment?

Arthur's Seat, Edinburgh's extinct volcano

I wanted to post this photo of Arthur's Seat so that at least you know that I've been seeing the sights.

feeling awkward.

Two weeks in, still not fully adjusted. It's strange because I thought once I bounded off my British Airways flight I would be filled with joy and unadulterated happiness...not necessarily the case. You know, even though everyone here technically speaks English, sometimes I feel like we're communicating in another language. The weather hasn't been helping much - one can expect it to rain at least once a day and it gets dark around 4 p.m. (I'm told during the summer it stays light until midnight.)

Classes have been going OK, although it feels like I'm repeating freshman year all over again, what with the 300+ people in my lectures and the extra tutorial sessions with TAs, the fact that I'm again living in a dorm with four other dudes, and oh yeah, everyone around me is 18 years old and it makes me feel weird. I joined a few societies last week in hopes of meeting people and making friends, and well, they went OK, but not what I expected. In fact, nothing since I've been here has been what I expected to think or feel or be. It's unfortunately making me question my motives for coming here in the first place. Sometimes I feel like I can't even talk to anybody about this because I don't want to feel I'm like I'm whining for being in Europe, ya know? I mean, seriously what do I really have to complain about? The fact that I can't find Garnier Fructis shampoo at the local drug store?

Sigh. I keep telling myself that things will improve, and part of me feels that they will. Then there's that other part that says come May 30 I won't feel anything but regret of a wasted five months.

haggis, and more

Before I arrived in Scotland, I was warned that Scottish cuisine wasn't very good. I'm here to report that my first encounter with a traditional Scottish dish - haggis, essentially sheep or pig intestine - went very smoothly. Pictured above is the haggis I ate at a local restaurant - sorry I've already forgotten the name. It looks and tastes a lot like spicy meat loaf, though I think it probably helped that this restaurant seemed to serve good food all around. (I actually cheated a little bit and got some chicken cutlet mixed up in there as well. BUT I promise my next haggis experience will be straight up.)

So far I haven't explored that much of the city. Most of my week was spent recovering from jet-lag and getting to know my way around campus without having to ask four people for directions. On that note, everyone is extremely friendly - I must have met at least an eighth of Edinburgh's population as a result of getting lost. The city itself is beautiful; the architecture of each building seems steeped in so much history. I love how even when you're strolling down the city's main shopping drag, Princes Street (Edinburgh's equivalent of Newbury Street), you can see a Scottish castle on a hilltop overlooking the people below.

As for the currency here, things haven't been too expensive, though I do seem to be going through more money than I would like. Thankfully Edinburgh doesn't fall on this list. However it still costs a lot more for a student from the states to live here than in let's say, Boston. As you may or may not know, the UK uses the pound, which is unfortunately stronger against the US dollar than the euro. I'm trying not think about money too much, though I wouldn't be surprised if I'm broke by February.

The university reminds me a lot of Northeastern because it houses a fairly large student population (26,000) situated in the middle of a a fairly large, cosmopolitan city. Noticeable differences are the fact that everyone here is more fashion-concious (UGG boots and Northface fleece are few and far between), and also, everyone is white. Yes, this is certainly the most homogenous group of people I've been exposed to since high school. Yet I must say there were even more minorities in my high school in CONNECTICUT, than there are here. It doesn't bother me much, though I admittedly tend to stick out in my classes. (Even though I often forget that I'm Asian anyhow.)

Another item to note: the student center houses six bars, (I chuckle to myself thinking about how funny Curry would look if there was a bar next to the art gallery or something. Yes I chuckle to myself because I am lame). I'm still getting used to switching over to new brands of laundry detergent, shampoo, peanut butter (on a sidenote: no one here eats/sells grape jelly, apparently), etc.

OK, I suppose that about does it for now. I hope to update with a lot more exciting material than my lack of Skippy peanut butter.

inaugural post

I solemnly swear I will do my best to avoid turning this blog into a LiveJournal.