FML?

So I can't believe I made it to the last week of classes. Extremely relieved actually, since this could be the most annoying semester on record. Don't think I'm doing well in any of my classes so far, and surprisingly Social Work may be the only one that I get above a C. Yikes. Got my Sociology paper back yesterday and I received a 28. That is NOT good. My tutorial lecturer guy says he's "not worried" about me though. Still he said the same thing about me before he handed back the essays, so I'm not so sure I can trust his judgment. And by "not worried" he's "not worried" about me failing the class. He thinks I'll still be able to pass, which is somewhat encouraging I suppose, but I was expecting at least a B. Which I'm obviously not going to get at this point. Since this was the only class that I actually liked, well, I'm a little nervous. I'm allowed to take one class Pass/Fail but I certainly didn't want it to be this one. I wanted to use it for Scottish History, which I predict will bring a world of pain to my life on May 20 (day of that exam). I can't help but feeling hatred toward all my classes and a little annoyed because this wasn't supposed to be like this. I'm fucking studying abroad for pete's sake. This was supposed to be easy and fun! Why is everything so hard?? I'm learning Life lessons I suppose. And in truth I can't really be mad at anybody but myself. Moving on. I'll be OK.

going home. soon enough.

Looks like I may have officially booked the most important flight so far: the one home. Unofficially I'm now flying home on May 23, a week earlier than originally planned. I am fairly confident I made the right decision. I mean it's only a week, but it means a week more at home. A week more to be with my family and play with Max and eat food that I haven't eaten in months. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss the familiarity of being in an environment that isn't foreign or strange or whatever. Scotland has grown on me, sure, but as corny as it is, there's still no place like home. And even though it's only a week, it means my time here got a little shorter, which maybe shouldn't make me happy but it does. Like I said, I miss the three Fs.

I also booked flights to Alicante, and then from Barcelona to Glasgow, so that's good. Spain will be beautiful I'm sure. And hopefully warm! Still haven't finished the other spring break plans but I hope they will all come together this week. Thankfully there's only two weeks left of classes and then I'm free until exams. I like it better here, but I'm still not sure if I'm in love. The funny thing is I don't think I really ever will be. Edinburgh is beautiful but it doesn't suit my personality. I need big, loud and diverse. I need a city that never sleeps, let alone closes at 3 a.m. I need a subway system, I need crazy cab drivers, I need restaurants to be open 24 hours a day. Sounds weird but I tend to enjoy a chaotic urban environment. I'm glad I figured that out now.

Part of me always wonders what exactly I will gain from this whole experience. I think I'm growing up and learning about myself but at other times I'm not so sure. I think maybe the most important thing I can take away from all this is simple acceptance. Acceptance of me.

Let the countdown begin

Good news: My last essay of the entire semester was due today. It felt pretty good to hand that mother off, let me tell you. Not that it was particularly hard to write, well I mean not that I cared all much about what I wrote anyway, but it just means that after a full month of stressing over these pointless 2,000 word behemoths, the pain is over. Well at least until I see how badly I did on all of them. I'm hoping for straight Cs. Actually I'll be pretty satisfied with those, as sad as it is to admit.

This also means there's less than three weeks left of the teaching term - HOORAY! - translation: less than three weeks until spring break. AWESOME. Everything is still in the planning stages unfortunately...but I'm excited to see other cities. Currently looking at a bunch of flights and hostels now, but I also want to see more of Scotland at some point too. I'm thinking of booking some Highland trips for the end of April when the weather might be warmer and at least sunnier. Maybe. We shall see. Final exam schedules were released today as well, and while I'm not exactly thrilled to have an exam on May 20, at least now I know when they are. Of course, this pretty much nixes any chances I had of going home a bit early - I mean would it really be worth the impending hassle of trying to switch a flight home only 10 days earlier?? - but who knows, maybe this will be a good thing. Or not. I just really miss Boston a lot. Oh well. Just gotta stay positive and remember that classes are almost dunzo, which hopefully means I'll start to like it here a lot more.

rugby!

On Saturday, I went to my first rugby match. It was nice because it was one of the few quintessential Scottish things I've done since being here. Alissa, her flatmates and I headed to a pub first and then walked a few miles to the match with other Scotland fans (we were playing Italy) and I really able to get caught up in the excited environment despite me having zero interest in sporting events. (I'm sure the beer probably helped a bit.) I'm definitely glad I went.

On a completely unrelated-to-Scottish-culture-note, I also booked my first destination for spring holiday (which is gasp - only three and a half weeks away!). Alissa, Kate and I will be kicking things off in Berlin on March 29. Not sure how long we're staying (Kate needs to be back in Edinburgh to meet her parents on April 4) but I hope to also visit Prague, perhaps Rome, definitely London, and hopefully Dublin too. Maybe somewhere in Spain if at all possible. It will be a busy few weeks, to be sure.

Now back to Scotland: I realize I haven't really immersed myself in Scottish culture so far - no celihs yet - but I'd like to before I go. This means a trip to Loch Ness at some point in the next few weeks before spring holiday (definitely one place you NEED to visit while in Scotland, at least that's what I'm told). I need to ask Alissa's flatmate about other potentialy Scottish locales I should see as well. Can't believe the semester 's coming to a close and I'm afraid I might not really appreciate Scotland before I go because I've been so worried about adjusting and everything.

Sigh. Being isn't always easy because I miss my life back home all the time. But I have no regrets about deciding to stick it out. I think I've definitely learned a lot about myself so far, and I expect the learning to continue.

New month

Happy March! Tomorrow starts the countdown: Four weeks left of class. Thank God.